'Would it be totally crazy to go back to my ex-husband five years after we divorced?'

Agony aunt Coleen Nolan advises a reader who is considering getting back with her ex-husband – who she divorced five years ago.

Coleen is advising a woman who has reconnected with her ex-husband and is wondering whether to try a relationship again
Coleen is advising a woman who has reconnected with her ex-husband and is wondering whether to try a relationship again

Dear Coleen

I was with my husband for 10 years and we got divorced five years ago. However, we’ve reconnected since Covid happened and have become really close over the past few months.

In the summer we fell into sleeping together, as we were both single.

It felt really nice being close to each other again and also having some fun without any strings.

But now I’ve found myself wondering if we should make it official and get back together properly.

He’s dropped hints he feels the same and the other night he said: “I think our marriage failed because of timing. If we met and got married now, it would be a different story”.

Would it be totally crazy to go back? We don’t have any children, which is one of the things we argued over when we were married.

It never felt like the right time for me, but he was very keen. We’re 43 now, so I don’t think either of us is interested in starting a family, so it probably wouldn’t be an issue.

I have no idea how our friends and family would react – they’d probably be shocked and try to talk us out of it.

I’d love your take on it.

Coleen says:

I do believe in some cases that being apart can make you appreciate what you had and realise what you’ve lost.

I’d definitely advise against running down the aisle immediately or even moving in together – just enjoy the relationship and see if it progresses.

And don’t make a big deal of it with friends and family because I think that’ll put too much pressure on you and the relationship.

Normally I’d advise extreme caution when it comes to getting back with an ex, but it doesn’t sound as if your marriage was toxic and awful – you just didn’t agree on some important issues at that stage in your lives.

From what you’ve said, it sounds like you probably wouldn’t have those issues now, but of course it’s advisable to discuss them and resolve them before getting in too deep.

Be careful you’re not romanticising the relationship to the point of letting common sense go out of the window.

And also you need to be sure that reconnecting isn’t just because you were both lonely in lockdown.

But if it’s what you both want, good luck and don’t be swayed by other people’s opinions.

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