Daily Mirror agony aunt Coleen Nolan advises a reader who has doubts about someone she met online who seems to tick all the boxes
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I’m a 31-year-old woman and I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month after we hooked up on a dating app.
I was very nervous about dating again after coming out of a toxic relationship that lasted five years.
My ex cheated on me several times and after giving him chance after chance (he always seemed to talk his way out of it) I finally found the courage to leave him and I’m so glad I did.
My problem now is that I keep doubting this new guy. He’s been nothing but charming, fun and respectful and he’s also very sexy – but I keep questioning if he’s genuine.
Now he says he wants to meet my friends and for me to meet his mates, and he’s invited me to stay at his place this weekend. He’s 33 with a good job.
He hasn’t been in a relationship for a couple of years (he says because of the pandemic ) and claims that he’s looking for a serious relationship.
He ticks all the boxes for me, but at the same time it all seems too good to be true. Could I be overthinking this? I’d appreciate some words of wisdom.
Yes, you probably are overthinking it, but I also understand you’re worried about getting hurt again. You’re expecting him to turn out to be like your ex and for it all to go horribly wrong.
But he’s not your ex and he deserves a chance. I’ve always believed you should trust people until they let you down.
Naturally, you’re going to be wary of getting into a new relationship after what you’ve been through, but it’s OK to tell him that. Be honest from the start.
If he really likes you he’ll understand and he’ll be OK if you want to take things at a slower pace.
I also think when you’ve been treated badly in a relationship, it can mean you feel you don’t deserve someone good and decent. So when they come along, you can’t quite believe it’s happening to you.
You also deserve a bit of fun, so try not to think about it too much and just relax, enjoy yourself and concentrate on getting to know him better.
The fact is, none of us know how a relationship will pan out when we start seeing someone.
And if it doesn’t work out in the end, you know you’ll be fine because you survived a toxic relationship and came out the other side stronger and wiser.