'Worried my good-looking boyfriend is cheating after seeing a strange text on his phone'

Agony aunt Coleen Nolan advises a reader who is feeling insecure in her eight-year relationship after spotting a mystery message

Mixed race man using cell phone
Reader’s man received an odd message from ‘Z’ (stock image)

Dear Coleen, I’ve been with my long-term partner for nearly eight years, but I’ve always felt quite insecure about the relationship.

For a start, he has been clear he is not interested in marriage, which I’ve come to terms with, but he’s also quite independent and very good looking, so I have trust issues.

The thing is, he’s never given me reason to suspect he’s been unfaithful, until recently when I saw a text pop up on his phone from someone called “Z”, telling him not to worry that he couldn’t meet up and that they’ll get together soon.

I know this is quite vague and could have an innocent explanation, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

What should I do?

Coleen says

Well, you can’t “unsee” it and just forget about it, so you have to ask him who it was from or you’ll stew on it and your imagination will run riot.

Yes, it is quite vague and there could be an innocent explanation, so face it and ask him. I think the bigger picture here is your insecurity in this relationship – is this coming from issues that you have, perhaps from being hurt in the past, or is he the one making you feel like this?

You have to work out where it’s coming from and address it. If he’s making you feel insecure, then you have to question why you’re with him.

What I do know, is that if you’re constantly questioning him and the relationship, then it will drive a wedge between you and it’s very wearing for a partner to constantly provide reassurance and prove you can trust them.

The only way forward is to confront these underlying issues and see if you can work through them, either together or with help from a counsellor.


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