A woman has been disowned by her family for having a small wedding with only her friends due to a health condition – and now they wont speak to her.
Sharing her story anonymously, the woman said that her family had ideas about her having a big church wedding, complete with hundreds of guests and the bride being the centre of attention.
To keep her family happy, the 25-year-old woman agreed – but she suffers with stress and anxiety and didn’t think she could handle the pressure of the day, so cancelled everything that had been planned.
Instead, she had a small intimate ceremony with her close friends and some of the groom’s family, and when her family found out they were devastated and have completely disowned her.
Sharing the story on Reddit, the woman said: “Over the past year and a half, my fiancé, Jose, and I have been planning a wedding for July of 2021.
“We’ve been together for 10 years and have lived together for 3 years. Jose and I both don’t like the pomp and circumstance of weddings, and were hoping to have a low-key, inexpensive one. My family, however, wanted something bigger.
“My mother has expressed to me just how much she’s living through me in having this wedding. I have expressed to her plenty that social situations trigger my anxiety. She doesn’t care.
“Jose and I gave in last year and agreed to marry in a church and have the big reception she wanted.”
The woman said that the planning was stressful right from the get go and she approached her mother with her reservations, but added that her mother gaslighted her into going ahead with things.
Eventually things reached breaking point and the woman called off the wedding, but unbeknownst to her mother she still had plans for her special day.
She continued: “I married the love of my life and partner of 10 years in a quiet little backyard ceremony. 15 people were there – friends, family, and José’s immediate family.
“The ceremony took all of 15 minutes and the celebration was fun, casual conversation over a simple sandwich lunch.
“My mother, in response to finding out I’ve planned a private wedding without her, sent one of my aunts screaming at me the day before the wedding over email. Catholic guilt, gaslighting – the whole shebang.
“I went all-in on telling my family exactly what I’ve felt and dealt with in regards to my mother and them. They had the audacity to invent a story that José is nothing but a controlling abuser that deleted her first email.
“They want me to forgive my Mom and be the bigger person – even after detailing the extent of her abuse to them.
“I tore my aunt a new a*****e over email, citing them all – my grandmother included – as cowards for not coming to me to tell me the alleged ‘truth’ about José before.
“It’s funny how quickly the narrative shifted from, ‘oh, think of your poor mother’, to ,’you poor, stupid child running into the arms of an abuser’, to ‘you’re a monster cancelling our family’.
“Within the last 72 hours I’ve learned exactly what kind of family I was raised in. In a way, I mourn that it had to be like this – no contact with the people I thought were supposed to love me.”
After sharing her story online, many Reddit users rushed to the woman’s defence and said the mother was in the wrong.
One user wrote: “They forgot that the wedding is about the bride and groom and not everyone there.
“Anyways, the moment you had reservations, your mom should have dropped everything to figure out a way to accommodate your concerns.
“When she fled from her duty to do that, she lost her right to complain about any of this.”
And a second person added: “Why is it the person wronged has to be the bigger person? Just do what’s best for you and your partner.”
While a third wrote: “You did this for her, when it’s supposed to be about your and Jose. Then she wrecked it with her behavior, and you cancelled it.
“You are not unreasonable. You’ve been far too reasonable for far too long. Imagine how your mother would be, drunk, at your wedding! It would be a horrible day that would feed into your anxieties about a big wedding.”
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