Now, I miss flying as much as the next spoilt travel writer but surely a joy flight around Gatwick would be as much fun as riding the DLR on a bank holiday.
However, believe it or not, a growing number of airlines are offering sightseeing ‘flights to nowhere’ to sate their passengers’ passion for lift-off.
Royal Brunei Airlines has just launched an 85-minute Dine & Fly experience that takes in Brunei’s coastline and the island of Borneo while passengers enjoy a ‘delicious’ (that’s debatable) in-flight meal.
In August, EVA Air scheduled a Hello Kitty-themed flight around Taipei specially for Father’s Day, while All Nippon Airways hosted a 90-minute Hawaiian-themed ‘fun flight’ in Japan.
Of course, there’s a time and a place for a joy flight and I’ve been on some incredibly scenic ones over the years. I’ve flown over the Grand Canyon in a twin-prop, seen Niagara Falls from a helicopter and threaded through the soaring limestone islands of Halong Bay in northern Vietnam in a seaplane.
So I can see the attraction of Qantas’s Great Southern Land scenic flights, which begin on October 10 and apparently sold out in ten minutes. Starting at A$787 (£444) for an economy ticket, day-trippers can get a glimpse of Uluru, the Great Barrier Reef, the Gold Coast and Sydney Harbour Bridge during their seven hours airborne.
First and foremost, though, flying is a means of transport – joy rides without the cultural enrichment of proper travelling can start to push the limit.
Don’t get me wrong, I do mourn my breakfast lagers at the airport ’Spoons, bagging a window seat only to find I’m over the wing, flicking through the dog-eared in-flight magazine to choose my viewing pleasure, all the while enjoying a Tanqueray and tonic and a tiny tin of Pringles.
However, there are other things I haven’t missed about flying.
Namely, the poor flatulent lady I had the misfortune to sit next to once on a nine-hour flight from St Lucia, and that drunk, dribbling man who’d divulged all the skeletons from his family closet before the seat belt sign even came on during a lengthy flight to Johannesburg.
While the pandemic has made us rethink how we travel, when I next set foot on a plane I want to be getting off it again in a whole different country.
In the meantime, I’ll stick to bagging the front seat of the local tour bus to take in the scenery.
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