The Fiver | Albert Einstein hadn't reckoned with Alfredo Morelos


Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Of course, old Albert hadn’t reckoned with the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers’ hot-headed Colombian striker Alfredo Morelos, who has now been sent off in three different matches against Aberdeen this season, all of which have finished with – you’ve guessed it – different results: a draw, an Aberdeen win at Ibrox and most recently, a victory for O’Rangers at Pittodrie on a freezing Scottish Wednesday night.

Of course when he wasn’t figuring out that E = mc², Einstein came up with the occasional bon mot. “Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth,” he once said and it is a line young Alfredo may have quoted in his own defence, when asked to explain to his increasingly frustrated manager $tevie Mbe why he had just got his fourth red card (one of which was rescinded) of the season for an off-the-ball stramash with Scott McKenna on Wednesday night and is now facing yet another two-game spell on the naughty step.

“I think for Alfredo to go to the next level or to improve he will have to channel his aggression,” he parped, as the mellifluous strains of Phil Collins opus No Jacket Required were piped into the visitors’ dressing room. “I haven’t had the chance to analyse the incident so I can’t tell you if Scott deserved a red or whether Alfredo did. They’ve had a fantastic battle up until that point.” It was a battle Morelos was dominating, having scored two goals as O’Rangers ran out 4-2 winners to go five points ahead of Aberdeen and top of the table … if you’re one of those particularly one-eyed O’Rangers fans who folds over the bit above your team that shows the Queen’s Celtic are six points clear.

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After being awarded four spot-kicks in one match last weekend, the most penalties they’ve been given since the taxman rocked up to Ibrox in 2010, O’Rangers could be forgiven for thinking they might have used up all their luck for February, but they’ve now announced they are seeking to have Morelos’s latest dismissal overturned. “A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?” asked Einstein. For $tevie Mbe, the answer is a baby-faced striker with 23 goals to his name already this season who isn’t suspended for his team’s next two games.


Join John Brewin from 7.30pm GMT for hot MBM coverage of Arsenal 3-2 Manchester United in the Continental Cup semi-final.


“There’s an Iceland in Málaga. Now and again, when I deserve one, I do like an Irn-Bru” – Jack Harper gets his chat on with Sid Lowe, talking about life at Málaga and his Scottish fitba hopes.

Jack on the beach.

Jack on the beach. Photograph: Pablo García


Football Weekly Extra will be in this general vicinity.


Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism [the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – Fiver Ed] is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us. In return we can hopefully arm you with the kind of knowledge that makes you sound slightly less uninformed during those hot reactive gegenpress chats you so enjoy. And if you think what we do is enjoyable [again, etc and so on – Fiver Ed], please help us keep coming back here to give you more of the same.


“Steve Hibbert’s missive about Bongo Christ (yesterday’s Fiver letters) brought to mind a name I was given when taken to hospital in the USA! USA!! USA!!! Three years ago, following a disagreement with a pothole, an unscheduled trip over the handlebars of my bike and a face-to-face encounter with the road, I came round in hospital. There I noticed the wristband the good hospital folk attached to me, which had me down as Congo, Trauma with a date of birth of 01/01/1900 and a ripe old age at the time of 116” – John Stainton.

“May I point out that The Fiver picture desk was not so much on fire yesterday as in deep and murky water. That was no bongo, that was most obviously a djembe. An image of a Monty Python member with two djembes would work for the player representing FC Vallorbe-Ballaigues in the Swiss fifth division(!)” – Steve Allen.

“Following on from the news of a Bournemouth fan being banned for throwing a pie during their match at Chelsea (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs), I noted the report in Big Paper stated, apparently with a straight face: ‘It is not known what type of pie was thrown.’ Pondering why this detail would be in any way important, I came to the conclusion that certain combinations of meat and pastry must be more dangerous than others. Being hit by a curry pie could, for example, presumably put a person into a korma” – Alan Cormack.

“Terrible to hear that supporter has been banned for pie throwing. I hope a powerful flan group gets behind his case” – Daniel Doody.

Send your letters to And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is Steve Allen, who wins a copy of The Agony & The Ecstasy: a Comprehensive History of the Football League Play-offs. Plenty more prizes to come.


Sheffield United Women’s Sophie Jones has been charged by the FA with the alleged racist abuse of Tottenham’s Renee Hector.

Threats allegedly sent to Stoke City manager Nathan Jones are being investigated by Hertfordshire police.

Football administration democracy latest: a day after news emerged Gianni Infantino will likely be re-elected unopposed as Fifa’s head honcho, Uefa big dog Aleksander Ceferin succeeded in a similar cakewalk.

Getting on it, earlier.

Getting on it, earlier. Photograph: Alessandra Tarantino/AP

FA chairman Greg Clarke has also been elected as Fifa vice-president. “If I compare what I get paid for two days a week at the FA, pro rata, compared to what I used to earn, I’ll still be earning a lot less,” he whooped.

Fresh off beating Everton, Manchester City striker Gabriel Jesus thinks he knows what it’ll take for the Premier League leaders to deny Liverpool the title. “We need to win every single game,” he tooted.

Tottenham fans will have to wait even longer for that cheese room after the club confirmed White Hart Lane won’t be open for the north London derby on 2 March. “These next few weeks are pivotal,” cheered Daniel Levy.

Polish strugglers Wisla Krakow have signed Jakub Blaszczykowski on a six-month contract, with the player donating his 500 zloty (£100) weekly stipend to charity.

And big transfer news: Dulwich Hamlet have signed the world’s tallest player, goalkeeper Simon Bloch Jørgensen taking his 6ft 11in talents to south London.


Corruption, murder and how football in Ghana has ground to a halt. By Gary Al-Smith.

Macarena Sánchez is suing her club and the Argentinian football federation. Suzy Wrack explains why.

Macarena Sánchez.

Macarena Sánchez. Photograph: Natacha Pisarenko/AP

Manchester City are back at the top of the league and everyone else should be very, very afraid, writes Andy Hunter.

One for the kids: Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester City are introducing immersive 360-degree coverage.

And always read Marina.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!



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