Seven signs you’re dating a softboi


Would you be able to tell? (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

He’s played you his Hans Zimmer playlist, told you he has not one but five poetry collections scribbled down in Moleskines, and takes photos on a 35mm Olympus Trip.

Ringing any bells? If so, you might be caught up with a softboi (or softboy).

The softboi is a relative of the well-known fuckboy, with a sprinkling more sensitivity thrown into the mix. Unlike the latter, the softboi acts like he cares about your feelings, but in reality he’ll ditch you as soon as he’s bored.

From alternative interests to emotional intensity, these are the telltale signs of a softboi.

He’s an outsider

Or so he tells you.

He doesn’t fit in with most crowds, he explains. Instead, he finds himself drifting into his own thoughts when groups are making conversation.

This ‘misunderstood’ charade is enough to tempt even the best of us into feeling sympathetic.

He avoids anything mainstream

This comes with his outsider complex. He has bizarre taste in films, music and books – in fact, you’ve never really heard of any of the things he recommends to you. Where does one even find Algerian jazz fusion?

This nicheness makes him intriguing and ‘different to other guys’. This all works in his favour in gaining your interest.

He has a superiority complex

That being said, having alternative interests doesn’t automatically make you a softboi, but thinking these interests make you superior to everyone else does.

No doubt he’s open about his emotions

Maybe he’s sent you song lyrics or a recording of a song he’s written for you on the banjo. What a sensitive guy.

Now, of course it’s important for men to be open about their feelings, in fact that’s encouraged (especially with the dangers of toxic masculinity). But the difference between a nice guy who is in touch with his feelings and a softboi, is that the latter will exploit this to work to their advantage.

Typically a softboi will seem more emotionally intelligent than any other guy you’ve ever dated, but he’ll be using it as a ploy for you to get close to him – so he can get what he wants from you and then scarper off.

If you hear the dreaded: ‘you’re so different to other girls,’ it’s likely you’re in trouble.

A softboi will seem more emotionally intelligent than any other guy you’ve ever dated (Picture: Ella Byworth)

He’s educated, and he wants you to know it

Keats, Hemingway, Woolfe – you name it, he’s read it.

Of course, being well-read is sexy, very sexy (especially if he can spontaneously quote Oscar Wilde passages). But a softboi thrives on intellectualism and loves nothing better than shoving his education in your face.

He’s also not at all interested in your thoughts or opinions on literature and philosophy.

He’s got a ‘good guy’ attitude

Of course he’s a feminist.

He just has so many feelings it makes perfect sense for him to be so passionate about gender equality and helping minorities. What a progressive guy.

His speeches are pretty convincing too, like the one about freeing the nipple and legalising drugs.

But the deception will soon become clear.

A few hookups will result in him eventually ghosting you, and you’ll be left wondering whatever happened to that ‘caring disposition’.

He’s convinced he discovered x, y and z

He tells you he was listening to Bon Iver back in 2006.

This obsession with finding things before they became popular is another way he feeds his ego.

Came up with the idea for environmentally-friendly paper straws? Sure you did, hon.

MORE: What is a softboy, and are you one?

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