Following the end of her relationship, a mum has shared her devastation and asked for advice after her two young sons decided they wanted to go and live with their dad
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A relationship breaking down and ending can be a horrible, heartbreaking time for both parties.
And if you happen to add children into the mix, things only get more stressful.
This is what one mum has unfortunately discovered after she and her partner separated and she moved out of the family home.
The unnamed woman has taken to NetMums to ask for some advice about her difficult situation and it’s sparked a conversation around co-parenting.
She explains that things had been hard for her, coping with her relationship ending, working and juggling childcare but everything had just been made 10 times worse after her two sons confessed they wanted to live with their dad, instead of her.
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In a post on the parenting forum, she wrote: “My boys aged 12 and 10 both want to live with their dad – I’m devastated.
“I separated from their father about 12 months ago – six months ago I moved out the family home as he was refusing to leave and the environment was awful.
“The custody arrangement initially was about 50/50 with nothing official in place however in the summer the boys wanted to spend more time with their dad and as I work full-time they spent about half the summer with their dad.”
She goes on to claim that while they were away, her ex “bad-mouthed” her to them, telling them details about their arguments and claiming she was going to prevent the boys from seeing him.
“About two to three weeks after I moved out he moved his new girlfriend into our house with her two children. He made both boys lie about her being there and told them it was because I would be angry about it – again making me out to be the bad person.
“My eldest refused to come home one week in the summer and now won’t speak to me at all. The 10-year-old carried on coming back mon-fri without his brother but has now also said he wants to live with them as it’s more organised and less stressful.
“His new girlfriend doesn’t work and I just can’t compete with them in that respect. They have to go to breakfast club with me and dinner isn’t on the table for 5pm because I have to work and can’t just give up my job.
“I feel like I’ve lost everything and have no idea whether I should be fighting or respecting their decision…. any advice would be appreciated.”
A number of fellow parents took to the comments to share messages of support for the mum and their thoughts on what she should do next.
One person said: “Oh bless you! That sounds awful. No advice really as I’ve never been in your situation myself. Although I have been in your boys’ situation and let me tell you they will see your ex for what he is one day. My dad was awful and now as an adult, I can’t believe the poison he used to feed us as kids. Sickening!
“If I was you I’d play the long game. Be the good guy and hold your head up high. Don’t give him any validation to his claims and respect your boys’ wishes. It won’t be long before they miss you. Enjoy you time while you can. Have a few spa days and treat yourself while he’s arguing about homework and struggling on the school runs. Sending hugs!”
Another wrote: “Sorry to hear you are going through such a bad time. I have been in your position, it sounds very similar to my circumstances when I split from my husband. He did the same and my daughter wanted to be with him.
“I explained to my children that I love them so much and when they are older they have the choice of who they want to spend time with but for the time being, I am their mum and I want to make things as good as possible for them in my own home.
“I would talk to them about why they feel unsettled at yours, is it just that you work and they have to do breakfast club and wait for dinner? Perhaps have some fun nights or a takeaway or movie night and try and show them how much you want them there with you. They will come round, they are just reacting to what dad is saying.”
A third added: “They might just want to be in as you said ‘the family home’ and although she is not their mum, if they are happier being at home without school clubs and like the stability of routine and order, let them have it. Remember they are still really quite young and this must be so hard for them.
“Children never want to hurt or upset their parents. I think they must just be so torn and doing what makes them feel more comfortable.
“I really feel your pain. Being away from your children is horrible.”
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