lifestyle

'My telly addict husband wants sex in the middle of the night – but I don't'


Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 30s and need advice on my sex life, as my husband and I are on totally different pages.

I never feel like it when he’s up for it and, when I’m up for it, he usually wants to relax in front of the telly with a beer, as he works quite late most nights.

He likes to have sex in the morning or in the middle of the night, which just doesn’t turn me on, in fact it annoys me. I’m too tired and don’t feel sexy at all.

He moans about my lack of spontaneity and sense of fun, while I don’t see why he can’t come to bed at a normal time like everyone else.

It doesn’t help that we’re both working from home at the moment and are also parents of two children aged six and nine.



The reader is worried that there will soon be a rift that can't be fixed
The reader is worried that there will soon be a rift that can’t be fixed

The bottom line is, we’re not having sex at all because we’re both so stubborn, but I know if this carries on, it’s going to be hard to get back on track.

I do love him and find him sexy, but I just get so irritated because I don’t want to make love at some stupid hour.

I’d appreciate any tips.

Coleen says

It sounds as if you’re in different time zones sexually. Look, I think you have to set time aside and literally schedule in sex. I don’t mean write on the calendar “4pm on a Tuesday, rampant sex with hubby”, but make a plan.

For example, when the kids are in bed, let’s make a nice meal and when I go to bed, come up and have sex, then go back down and watch the telly! I know it may not sound that sexy, but you’ve got to start somewhere and creating opportunity is a good place.

I was in a similar situation with a previous partner and I guess it wasn’t always romantic, but it was what it needed to be at the time to fit in with my job and his hours. And it doesn’t have to be romantic every time.

This needs compromise from both of you so stop being so stubborn. With sex, there are times when you’re not that enthusiastic for whatever reason, but five minutes in you can find that you are actually enjoying it!

Once Covid restrictions are eased and life is a bit more normal, plan for a babysitter once or twice a month so you can go out and remember you’re actually a couple and not just two parents who happen to be living under the same roof.

You’re still the same people you were when you met, but life can sometimes take over and you forget each other.





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