Giving birth is an incredible experience, but it’s also painful, vulnerable and something many people don’t want their nearest and dearest to witness.
One mum-to-be is currently expecting her first child with her husband and is feeling pretty nervous about going into labour.
This was made all the worse for her recently, as she claims her partner went behind her back and told his mother she could be there in the delivery room.
The mother-in-law apparently wants to be there to witness her grandchild’s “first breath” but the wife isn’t comfortable with this idea at all.
She had originally made this clear to the older woman, but her husband has since undermined this conversation.
She said: “I am currently pregnant with my partner (31M) and am a first-time mom. My hospital recently changed their policy and are now allowing two ‘support people’ in the delivery room.
“My mother in law (MIL) made comments early on that she wanted to be there for the birth, and this woman is not subtle. At the time I felt protected by covid protocols but set that expectation straight. I explicitly stated that ANYTIME I give birth it will be a private medical experience that only includes my husband and medical team.
“I thought that it was clear it wasn’t a debate because it’s my body and I have the autonomy to decide who sees it in any context. Additionally, I do not have a good relationship with my MIL.”
She continued to write: “Recently my husband told me we needed to have a discussion. He starts off by saying he mentioned the support person protocol change to his mother. I tried not to react but immediately I blurted out asking him why he would do that.
“He goes onto say he knows his mother ‘really wants to be in the room to see the baby’s first breath.’ I replied logically, ‘if your mom sees their first breath she will also see me pushing and will be looking down at my vagina.’
“I actually had to explain why I refuse to give birth in front of his mother. I then told him that there are only two priorities in the delivery room and neither of them are his mother or her feelings.
“The discussion continued back and forth. Finally, I started crying, I told him that labour and birth will be the most painful and vulnerable experience of my life and that I need him to protect me. I told him that anyone who refuses to protect their pregnant partner failed them and is just dead weight in the delivery room.”
The woman added that her husband called her “rude” and a number of other negative things before storming out of the apartment.
When he came back later, he didn’t speak to her.
“I told him giving me the silent treatment – because I won’t let his mother spectate as my most intimate area rips open – was very immature and made me worry if he has the emotional intelligence to support me in the delivery room.
“I think my husband took my hint, but I didn’t explicitly say that I can decide he won’t be allowed in there either. I will say I would be devastated if I had to do that and never thought this would EVER be a problem during my pregnancy. So AITA?”
Almost 200 people have since commented on the Reddit post, sharing supportive messages for the mum-to-be, letting her know, she’s not in the wrong.
One person replied: “Your husband pulled a moronic move going behind your back to let MIL know she MIGHT be able to be in there. That, my dear, is fully 100% up to you. In fact, I think you need to let the staff know that under no circumstances is she allowed in the room. Give them a close-up mug shot of her.”
Another said: “This is insane! Hold your ground.”
A third posted: “What is it with all the MILs in the world suddenly deciding they need to see the birth of their grandchildren? No MIL I’ve ever met thought she ‘deserved’ to be in the delivery room. It’s completely up to YOU who is in the room. But – beware she might try to sneak in.
“Make sure the hospital staff knows it just you and your husband. Maybe have him watch a video of a live birth so he understands how absolutely vulnerable you will be in that moment.”
What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments below.