A recently widowed woman in the early grieving stages was startled after her brother-in-law tried to set her up with a friend of his, just eight weeks after her devastating loss

Sad woman sat on sofa
She’s still grieving (stock photo)

Everybody grieves differently, but it’s always important to respect the grieving processes of those who’ve lost significant others and to not push them to ‘move on’ before they’re ready.

A 34-year-old woman claims she was left devastated after losing her husband to cancer and, eight weeks on, is still finding it understandably tricky to remain “collected and welcoming to all the supportive family members who come to offer help despite my constant change in mood due to grief”.

As she explains on Reddit’s AmITheA**hole forum, she’s found her sister to be the most supportive out of all her family members but has at times struggled to deal with some of her brother-in-law’s tone-deaf remarks.

For example, after the funeral, he commented that she was now “burden” free and able to “live my life” now that she’s no longer her husband’s sole carer. She’s tried to ignore this sort of language, assuming he simply “didn’t know better”, but then things took an insensitive turn.

The widow hasn’t been happy with some of her brother-in-law’s comments (Stock photo)


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The other week, the grieving woman said she had her family over to visit. They cooked dinner for her and kept her company for a while, and she was grateful for their much-needed support at what is such a difficult time. However, the mood changed rapidly after her brother-in-law asked to chat with her in the kitchen.

She wrote: “He started telling me about a coworker of his who’s single then went on to list everything good about him. I was confused as to why he was telling me all that. He then reached out for his pant pocket and pulled a piece of paper with his co-worker’s phone number on it telling me to give him a call sometime”.

The woman was left “floored” by this conversation, and at first, couldn’t tell whether “he was joking or what”.

However, he was completely serious and kept pressing her to take the number. At this point, she “lost it”.

She continued: “I just started yelling at him that my husband just died and he was out of his mind to try to hook me up with a coworker of his. He tried to explain that it wasn’t like that and that he was just offering me something helpful but I didn’t know what he meant. I called him disrespectful then yelled at him to get out of my house”.

It was at this point that her sister and the other family members rushed into the kitchen to find out what was going on. She “told them then pressured him to leave”, with her sister asking that she calm down first. She wasn’t able to.

According to the poster, her brother-in-law left, then her sister followed “quietly”. After she’d managed to calm down enough, she sat back down with the family members who’d remained.

The bereaved woman recalled: “They said I was right in that what he did was not okay, but I needed to keep in mind that he and my sister helped so much by cooking for me, comforting me, and doing so much for me in these difficult times so, I shouldn’t have reacted like that and could’ve been a little more considerate and graceful. They said kicking him out was too much and I should call him later and talk things out so I won’t ruin my relationship with him and possibly my sister”.

It’s now been days since the altercation, and she and her sister still haven’t spoken. As her sister hasn’t called or visited, the caller believes she is “upset” with her and is “beginning to think they’re most likely hurt because I acted ungrateful after everything they’ve done for me”.

Many of those in the comments came forward to offer support, reassuring the poster that – just because her family members were helping her out, didn’t mean she had to put up with anything they said to her.

One person wisely remarked, “A favor held for ransom is no favor at all”, while another asked, “Since when is helping a grieving family member supposed to be transactional?”

Have you had to deal with a difficult family situation?Get in touch. Email us at yourmirror@mirror.co.uk

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