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The start of each university year brings fresh images of young students draped over each other in an alcoholic haze, relishing their first taste of freedom. There’s partying until the early hours and the shared pain of hangovers in the morning. But what happens to those who don’t drink, or find it hard to meet and socialise with strangers?
Although they don’t lose their phones or ruin their new trainers with paint bombs, there is no disguising the fact that freshers’ week can be hard for shy and introverted students, or those with mental health conditions.
But, say those who have been through it, approach it with the right mindset, withstand the pressure to become a social butterfly, and you can use the week to find your way around and connect with like-minded people.
Ruth Simmonds, who graduated this summer with a degree in psychology and sports and exercise science, experienced two freshers’ weeks – the first at Oxford Brookes University, where she studied for two years before suffering a mental health breakdown; the second at Canterbury Christ Church, where she transferred to finish her degree.
“I was a carer for my mother and had struggled with my mental health during sixth form,” she says. “When I arrived at university it seemed everyone knew each other and had formed their social cliques.
“The isolation was overwhelming. I remember sitting in my room with the door closed, missing my family, counting out the tablets to end it all. I should have confided in people at home who knew me best but I didn’t want to worry them. I pretended I was having the best time.”
Simmonds, now 27 and working part-time as a project officer for the Mental Health Foundation, did things differently the second time. “I looked at freshers’ week as an opportunity to find out what resources were available. I registered with the Wellbeing service and found clubs where I would meet people with shared interests. I didn’t pressure myself to make as many friends as I could, because I knew there was plenty of time later.”
Simple things such as keeping your room door open and remembering people’s names, can help. So can linking up beforehand with fellow students on social media, says Rebekah Dussek, a French and history student, who before she arrived met students online doing a similar course, or living in the same hall. “I was really nervous the first day but everyone wanted to meet people. We were all in the same boat,” she says.
Like Simmonds, she transferred universities mid-course, from Southampton to Nottingham to be closer to home. “Considering I suffer from depression, I think I did quite well in freshers’ week. I called my mother in tears a few times but I think that is normal. If you go with the idea it is all going to be happy and fun-packed you will be disappointed, whether you are suffering from a mental health condition or just missing your dog.”
Students who feel anxious usually think they are the only ones, when in fact lots of others feel the same way, says David Mair, former head of counselling at the University of Birmingham. “Feeling homesick and unhappy is perfectly normal. It’s one of life’s major transitions and a lot of the reactions we have are not within our conscious control because our brains are trying to make sense of the new environment. You have to work with the anxiety, to have compassion for those inevitable and difficult feelings that are a normal part of the transition.”
Seek out quiet environments, such as the chaplaincy, where there is tea and coffee and people to talk to, he suggests. Join a tour around the university or local area or just visit the library to find out where your books are. “Try not to phone home every day because that could hold you back,” says Mair, author of the Student Guide to Mindfulness, to be published next month.
Above all, have realistic expectations. “I have seen students who are upset because they have been on campus for 48 hours and not made friends. You don’t need 20 friends. You just need to connect with one person and the whole situation can change,” he says.
Joining a sports club or society is good advice, but it is not always easy if you have to attend trials in large groups. To overcome this, Kingston University has a new scheme called uGoiGo that links freshers with sports activators – students from the second and third years who will practise with them and accompany them to the trials.
“We piloted it last year and it was very popular. It’s a good way to reach students who feel shy or isolated in new situations through sport and other group activities, such as board games,” says Robyn Gennari, head of student wellbeing.
Universities will almost certainly have clubs hosting events that don’t involve alcohol. Third-year film studies student Christian Fletcher is president of the AYNDM? society at the University of Kent. “It stands for Are You Not Drinking Much?” because we didn’t want to be a club for teetotallers but for people who want to socialise without peer pressure to drink,” he says.
“Some people don’t drink for religious reasons or because they are reacting against their parents’ drinking habits or just because they don’t like the taste of alcohol.”
Annie Bocock, 20, who studied maths at the University of York, says she should have joined societies, as she did when more confident towards the end of the year. “I am a shy person but I thought I would somehow be all right, despite the pressure I put on myself to make friends. When my mum and dad dropped me off on my first day, I went to make a drink in the kitchen but I was so incredibly anxious my hands shook and I spilled it over one of the girls. I was mortified,” she recalls. “Letting people know you are shy or nervous can help them understand your needs and behaviour.”
You could also seek out student-run groups linked to mental health charities that are open to anyone feeling lonely or depressed. Ellen Dean, president of the Student Minds group at the University of Kent’s Canterbury campus, says some universities have only limited support for students with mental health conditions, and groups such as hers can advise on getting help.
“You don’t have to latch on to anybody just to notch up friends. Reach out to people who will know what you are going through,” says Dean, who is studying English, American literature and creative writing. “I hung out with a group of people I didn’t really like, doing things I didn’t really enjoy. You do have to push yourself, but it doesn’t have to be the big night out.”
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