'My fiancée wanted an open relationship – now I've fallen for someone else'

A Reddit user has admitted to falling in love with the woman he’s been sleeping with after his fiancée suggested an open relationship because she’s asexual

A man looking at another woman while walking with his partner
He doesn’t want to lose either of his partners, but worries his relationship with his fiancée is going nowhere (stock image)

We’ve all been in some tricky situations when it comes to romance, but for one Reddit user, things couldn’t be more complicated.

The 26-year-old man – who kept his identity hidden – has revealed he has fallen in love with a woman who isn’t his fiancée, after his partner specifically requested they have an open relationship because of her asexuality.

He wrote in his post: “I have romantic feelings for my open relationship partner. This violates the agreement between my fiancée and I, but I’m torn on what steps to take next.”

The man explained he and his partner – who he called Emma – have been together for four years, and said she mentioned the idea of an open relationship a few weeks after they got engaged, because she wanted him to be able to have sex as long as “no feelings were involved”.

The man said he feels “stuck” with his partner after falling for his casual fling (stock image)


Getty Images/iStockphoto)

He added: “She stated she didn’t care if I was physically involved with another woman as long as no feelings were involved.

“There weren’t supposed to be any dates, we always used protection, and if I even thought one of us had started to like one another I was to call if off immediately. We spent a few weeks agreeing on the ground rules.

“I wasn’t really eager but I also wasn’t repulsed. Emma is the only woman I’ve ever been with, but I did have some times where I really did want to have sex and we just couldn’t.”

But after meeting a woman he named Ren on a dating app, the man has fallen head over heels, and now feels “stuck” in his engagement to Emma.

He explained: “Ren and I have been sleeping together for eight months now. It went from a very physical relationship to a very emotionally involved one. We’ve had sex well over a few dozen times now. It just got really out of hand. Over time we’ve discovered that we have a lot in common. It just feels … different.

“She’s completely different from Emma. She’s very verbal in what she wants and needs, she’s affectionate in every way, and she’s always complimenting me. I don’t get that from Emma. I didn’t realise how strained I felt in our relationship. Now I feel stuck.”

The man doesn’t want to lose either of his partners, but worries his relationship with his fiancée is going nowhere.

He ended his post: “I don’t know if I want to go through with my engagement with Emma anymore. I have very strong feelings for Ren, I don’t know if it’s sex clouding my judgement or not.

“I don’t want to lose Emma but I also don’t want to lose Ren. My relationship with Emma has begun to feel more like a roommate situation. I don’t know how to go about this.”

Other Reddit users gave their advice, with many saying the arrangement had now crossed the line into cheating and he needed to come clean and call off the engagement.

One said: “Well Emma and you are not compatible and the open relationship, instead of filling the void, it made it more obvious.”

And another added: “You say you don’t want to lose either, and lying is a great way to ensure that, instead of one or the other, you lose both. So take that into consideration.”

What do you think he should do? Let us know in the comments.


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