'My father-in-law shared my miscarriage on Facebook – I'm not sure I can forgive him'

A grieving woman has taken to Reddit to ask for some advice after discovering her father-in-law had announced her miscarriage news on social media – despite asking him not to tell anyone

Young woman sitting on bed at home looking sad
The woman is devastated (stock photo)

Losing a baby is a horrendous thing for anyone to have to go through and everyone will have their own methods of coping with the grief.

One woman has shared how she told a few select family members after having a miscarriage in the early stages of her pregnancy.

She explained in a post on Reddit’s Relationship Advice forum that she hadn’t been ready to tell the whole world her news yet and had requested those she told to keep it secret for the time being.

However, she soon learned that her father-in-law had announced the tragic news on Facebook and she was quickly inundated with messages from people sending love and well wishes, which only made her more upset.

The news was posted on Facebook, despite promises to keep it off social media (stock photo)


Getty Images)

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Her post read: “ At my 12 week scan, the first time my husband saw the baby, we were told it died around nine weeks. The image on the screen will haunt us both forever.

“My mum was with us at the time and explained everything to my side of the family. I couldn’t face them. My husband contacted his side. We made them promise not to put anything on Facebook.

“I spent all day trying to stay strong for my husband, but then it hit me. I’d been carrying my dead baby for weeks. I finally broke down.

“Later that night I noticed a Facebook notification on my phone. My FIL posted the whole thing on Facebook. By the time we noticed it already had over 200 likes and a bunch of comments. I was devastated and angry…so very angry.”

She continued: “This was our baby. My baby. Not his. Even if we wanted to announce it publicly it should have been on our terms. In response, I locked down my Facebook and my husband refuses to look at his. He’d already had messages.

“I wanted to get the post removed but it was too late. On top of all this my FIL has severe mental health problems. Nobody will stand up to him, nobody wants to upset him. I’m not even sure if he’ll ever be told what he did was wrong. I feel like nobody cares about my pain.

“The worst part is that I’m not sure if I can forgive him. He is a good and lovely person but I can’t bear to face him. All of my trust has been lost. I’ve already cancelled plans for Christmas. I’m scared that if I go I’ll lose it and cause a family divide.”

The unnamed woman continued to say that it has been one of the “most painful experiences” of her life, both physically and mentally.

She then asked fellow Reddit users if they thought she would ever be able to forgive her father-in-law for what he had done, adding: “I don’t want our family to be broken but right now I can’t see past my pain.”

Dozens of people have responded to the post, with many agreeing what her husband’s father did was wrong.

One person replied: “Your husband absolutely needs to take the lead on dealing with his father. ‘But his mental health issues’ is not a good enough reason to sweep this under the rug.”

Another said: “You may be able to forgive him. You may be able to trust him again. Those aren’t questions we can answer. Your future self is the only person who can do that. I highly recommend therapy if it’s within your family’s means, both for the grief of losing a wanted pregnancy (which is no small thing, it can be very similar to losing a living child) and for the betrayal you’ve suffered.”

A third added: “Your first priority is yourself. Who the eff cares about forgiving him. You should look into grief counselling. YOU are the only one that matters in this situation. If you don’t want to see FIL, so be it!”

If you had experienced something similar and are struggling after a miscarriage know that you are not alone. The NHS recommends a number of places to seek support and advice during this difficult, including The Miscarriage Association.

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