'My daughter begs us to let her change her name but I don't want her too'

For any new parent, deciding your child’s name is a massive deal.

It can take months to find the perfect name, and it’s a difficult decision to make for lots of people.

Lots of parents are inspired by people they know in their life, while others turn to books and culture for inspiration.

But one man has told of his stress after his daughter told him that she wants to change her name – leaving him devastated.

It seems that the girl – now a teenager – hasn’t liked her name for a long time. Instead, she goes by a nickname and would like to make it permanent.

But her dad – who took to Reddit for advice – doesn’t want that to happen and now the pair have fallen out.

Seeking advice, he wrote: “My daughter, now 14 going on 15, has always hated her name, Luciana Emma (obviously not her actual name for privacy reasons, but close enough nevertheless).

“My wife and I thought long and hard about her name before she was born. We wanted it to be something truly meaningful, not just a name we chose simply because we thought it sounded nice.

“We eventually settled on Luciana as a first name, meant as a way to honor to my now deceased aunt, who meant the world to me as a kid and who raised me as her own after my mother decided she couldn’t be bothered to.

“I loved and still love everything about that name because it reminds me of her, so I always hoped my daughter would grow to love it just as much. The middle name Emma has a very similar story behind it; my wife chose it as a tribute to one of her own relatives that passed away.

“Unfortunately, as you all might’ve already guessed, my daughter doesn’t at all share my opinions on this. I never understood why.

“Even as a kid, she’d always complain about how she hated her name and wanted nothing to do with it. One day, when she was around 6, she came back from school suddenly declaring that her new name was Ingrid (again, not the actual name she chose but close enough).

“At the time I just laughed it off as another one of those weird phases kids go through, but the name Ingrid really stuck with her for some reason and before I knew it, everyone around us was calling her that.

“That’s pretty much how it’s been ever since. Everyone from classmates and friends to teachers and neighbors, they all know her as Ingrid.

“She’s Luciana Emma only when she’s writing her name on legal documents but never anywhere else. And believe me, I’ve tried coaxing her into using her very beautiful real name. Tried coming up for nicknames for her to use, like Lucy, Em, Lucia or Anna.

“Tried telling her the stories behind the names me and her mother chose for her. But nothing ever worked, and I still fail to understand this irrational hatred she has for her birth name.

“Now her 15th birthday is coming up and she asked us to let her legally change her name to Ingrid as a present. It was a hard no from me but a yes from my wife, who says she doesn’t see the harm in it given the fact that our daughter’s been going by Ingrid for nearly a decade now.

“And while I do see her point, I think it’s such a stupid thing to do. She has such a beautiful and meaningful name and wants to change it to some random one she picked as a kid simply because she likes it more.

“Moreover, I don’t think she’s old enough to make a decision like this so I told her to wait a few more years, which sparked a pretty big fight between me, her and her mother. Am I the a**hole?”

The dad has fallen out with his daughter (stock photo)

After opening up the floor to opinions, lots of people rushed to disagree with him.

One person wrote: “This isn’t some passing fancy; she’s held onto this name for nearly NINE YEARS now. She’s got everyone else saying it, too.

“Perhaps you could pick up two sets of name-change documents, so that when she changes her name to Ingrid, you can change yours to Luciana Emma?

“If the names mean that much to you, you should use them, but trying to force them on your daughter is not the solution. It’s controlling.”

Another agreed, writing: “Just because you’re in charge of a child’s well being, doesn’t mean you have a right to her life’s important choices.”

A third said: “The name might be beautiful and meaningful to you, but it isn’t to your daughter. She’s disliked this name for a very long time. This is clearly not a phase. Don’t force her to live with a name she detests.”


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