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'I'm having great sex with my ex, but are we actually dating again?'



Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 20s and share a house with three other people, one of whom I dated for a few months.

We broke up because he couldn’t handle the fact we lived together and it complicated things in the house – well, that’s what he claimed. He said he wanted to get back to being friends. I was upset, but just got on with it, as we hadn’t been dating that long and we’d been friends before any romance.

However, we’ve somehow drifted back into having sex regularly and I’m loving being close to him again, plus the sex is great. We haven’t talked about whether we’re dating or not and I can’t help feeling a bit used, even though I’m enjoying being with him. What do you think?

Coleen says

I think you have to be direct and ask him how he sees the arrangement and if it has any future, so you can make a decision about what you want.

I guess until you do, he can enjoy sex with you but is still free to see other women because you’re not officially dating.

You’re enjoying being close to him again, but if you want this to be a proper committed relationship, then you need to have the conversation.

If lockdown hadn’t happened, perhaps one of you would have moved out and it would have been easier to work out what you really thought about the relationship and if you missed each other – but you haven’t had that opportunity.





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