I’m a 36-year-old woman and have been with my partner for eight years. I’ve always been clear that I want children and he’s always said: “Yes, at some point in the future”, but would never be drawn on when.
Well, that time is now for me because of my age. But when I brought it up recently, he threw a complete curveball and said he’s now not sure he ever wants to have kids. So where does that leave me?
I feel cheated and like I’ve wasted all this time with him when we wanted different things. I feel he wasn’t completely honest with me or maybe thought as time went on that I’d change my mind or it wouldn’t be as important.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel so disappointed, but it’s hard when you love someone and want to make it work. A couple of friends, who have kids, have told me to leave him while I still have a chance to meet someone and have a baby. But my mum has advised me to try to work it out with him.
He’s not a bad guy, but this has really hurt me.
There’s a difference between saying you’re “not sure” and you “definitely don’t” want kids and I think you deserve to know which it is now because he’s still sounding vague.
Yes, people change their views for all kinds of reasons, but it’s not acceptable to keep leading you on – he either wants them or he doesn’t. And if he doesn’t, then at least you know and can make a choice.
Becoming a parent is a huge thing to give up, even if you love your partner and, for me personally, I know I couldn’t have married my first husband if he’d not wanted children.
So I think you have to be selfish about this one and put yourself first if you want to be a mother. Be honest and tell him that no baby is a deal-breaker for you.
There’s always the option of having relationship counselling to work through this issue before you throw in the towel. Even if it still means you go your separate ways, it can help to ease the pain of a break-up and understand each other better.