lifestyle

I was adopted at birth and now I’ve adopted twins – I hope they will feel as lucky as I do


Knowing I was adopted always made me (Siobhan, pictured right) feel more special (Picture: Siobhan)

‘We chose you,’ my dad recounted often. He said there was a long line of babies, all crying, in the ward while I was the only quiet one. ‘How wrong did we get it?’ he’d then joke.

About a week old when my parents took me in, knowing I was adopted always made me feel more special. 

I was an only child and my adoptive parents, then in their late 30s, had picked me. I felt lucky. 

It’s something I want my own children – twins, adopted at three years old – to grow up feeling, too. 

My wife, Caroline, and I hadn’t really considered raising kids until one day in 2016. 

We had recently moved house and were set to get married that August. As we walked on the beach one day, Caroline said out of the blue, ‘this would be a lovely place for children to grow up.’

Something sparked in us – and our plans for adoption developed naturally after that.

We did courses and assessments, and after five months, we heard that a boy and a girl were needing a home.

Knowing they were siblings, it instantly felt that they would be good company for each other and we thought it might make their transition to another family easier.

So, after meeting the foster family in the summer of 2017, we adopted the twins. 

I’m sure some people might think adopting twins is a lot to take on but we’re pleased we did – they will always have each other and our family came ‘ready-made’.

In the summer of 2017, we adopted the twins (Picture: Siobhan)

We didn’t want a very young child, we didn’t want a baby. I think people presume that you will bond better with a newborn but, to us, we considered how there’s no feedback with them. You change them and you feed them and they sleep. 

With a child that can communicate with you, there’s a response. Besides, the twins were only three, which is so tiny, still. They were still toddling.

Some people may also adopt young babies because they think they’ll create a stronger bond – they think ‘babies will only ever know me’ but I don’t think that’s necessarily true.

Older children have to wait longer because of that attitude and it’s so sad.

You look at children in primary school, and they have no idea what goes on in the world. They’re learning things every day. They just need somebody to take them into their forever home and love them, and to teach them how to be a good person.

Bonding is about love and time spent together. I learnt that through the unconditional love my parents showed me. 

I fully believe that whether you have a biological or adopted child, it’s your child.

Maybe it’s because of my own experience as an adoptee but I don’t feel that you would love a birth child any more than a child you adopt. 

We love the twins like they are our own because they are ours.

We love the twins like they are our own because they are ours (Picture: Siobhan)

When we first went to the foster family’s home, our son ran to the corner, put his face in his hands and wouldn’t look at us or speak at all. Our daughter was a little chatterbox! Now, it’s funny, because you can’t shut our boy up – as much as you might try – while our girl’s often quieter.

Their personalities are developing all the time. Every week they’re changing from wanting to be a doctor, a lawyer, a coastguard, or a fireman. 

They are eight now, and we have been as open as possible. As they grow they can read their ‘adoption books’ – with photos of them together with their birth family and little mementos. We share that with them whenever they want. 

As a child, my parents had a file I would look at once in a while, that had information about my birth mother in. I wanted to meet her, and I did eventually – I tracked her down in Ireland about eight years ago.

From the file, and from our later meeting, I found out that I’d been conceived ‘out of wedlock’. My birth mum came over to Wales from Ireland to give birth to me in a convent in secret. She’d never even told my birth dad about me. 

She explained to me that she couldn’t possibly, at 18, share it with her family. She’d created a backstory that she was going travelling in Europe. She had me, then went to Italy and took some photos before heading home.

Years later, my biological mother and father ended up married – I’ve actually got two younger brothers. I’m in touch with them all, including my birth mum and dad.

I’m glad to know my birth family – we share similarities and they’re lovely people – but the discovery hasn’t changed who my mum and dad are, or what they mean to me.

When my birth mum met my mum, the first thing she said was ‘thank you for raising her so well.’ 

I remember our social worker saying ‘it doesn’t matter if the baby’s born in your womb or in your heart’ and I think that’s true. Our kids stole our hearts the moment we met them.  

I would advise anyone considering adoption to speak to your local service to get as much information as you can, chat to parents who have adopted to find out what it’s really like.

It’s upsetting that there are so many children out there in the system that don’t need to be. They just want a chance, they just want a loving home and if you can give them that, why wouldn’t you?

I know what it’s like to be on both sides of the adoption process. Your parents are who raise you, who love you – and it’s so rewarding getting to be that person for our precious twins.

National Adoption Service is asking for people to share the moments that made their family @nas_cymru #ChooseFamily to encourage others to choose to adopt.

For more information about adoption in Wales, visit here.

18-24 October marks National Adoption Week, a campaign which aims to highlight and champion all aspects of adoption.



Adoption Month

Adoption Month is a month-long series covering all aspects of adoption.

For the next four weeks, which includes National Adoption Week from October 14-19, we will be speaking to people who have been affected by adoption in some way, from those who chose to welcome someone else’s child into their family to others who were that child.

We’ll also be talking to experts in the field and answering as many questions as possible associated with adoption, as well as offering invaluable advice along the way.

If you have a story to tell or want to share any of your own advice please do get in touch at adoptionstories@metro.co.uk.

Here is a selection of the stories from Adoption Month so far:

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing angela.pearson@metro.co.uk

Share your views in the comments below.


MORE : ‘We feel like we don’t deserve love and shouldn’t have it’: What it’s like to be adopted at a very young age


MORE : ‘Adoption wasn’t a last resort for us – we chose to welcome our son this way’


MORE : How much does it cost to adopt a child in the UK?



Adoption Month

Adoption Month is a month-long series covering all aspects of adoption.

For the next four weeks, which includes National Adoption Week from October 14-19, we will be speaking to people who have been affected by adoption in some way, from those who chose to welcome someone else’s child into their family to others who were that child.

We’ll also be talking to experts in the field and answering as many questions as possible associated with adoption, as well as offering invaluable advice along the way.

If you have a story to tell or want to share any of your own advice please do get in touch at adoptionstories@metro.co.uk.

Here is a selection of the stories from Adoption Month so far:





READ SOURCE

Leave a Reply

This website uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you accept our use of cookies.  Learn more