How to keep your sex life exciting – Sexpert's 10 top tips to keep the spark going

New lovers aren’t the hottest between the sheets according to the latest reports.

On the contrary, long-term lovers are having the best time in bed, a new survey says.

Research found that couples who have been together for four years and two months are the most confident they have ever been when it comes to sex.

One in twenty even suggested sex got better as long as 15 years down the line.

The Philips poll, of 3,000 couples in long term relationships, also found that the average British couple has sex once a week, and it typically lasts 29 minutes.

We spoke to sexpert Simone Bienne to get her top 10 tips on how to keep your sex life exciting and fulfilling…

Schedule Sex

Making love regularly keeps you both feeling wanted and desired.

But after the honeymoon phase in your relationship, we all know keeping sex on top of the ‘to do’ list can become a challenge.

So decide in advance when to make love. Then just do it!

To remind yourself, write it in your diaries, or on the kitchen calendar.

I’m serious! I know it may sound unromantic but I promise you, it’s better to have a quickie session or even mediocre sex than none at all.

Update your sex play

Like our wardrobes, our sex lives also need updating. So make the effort to try something new together.

Getting out a sex play product like an intimate massager will create excitement – and what’s great is that with his and her parts, you’ll both be getting some special attention.

And that kind of sexual excitement restores in your body the very same cocktail of love drugs (PEA) that made you feel so intense when you first got together.

Keeping this kind physical excitement alive in the bedroom will help keep your sex life playful, fun and interesting. It will also play a strong role in helping you stay bonded emotionally as a couple.

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Your skin is the largest organ in the body. It is rich in millions of nerve endings. Vibration, heat and pressure can awaken your sexual desire and get you in the mood after a previously hard day.

Sex is all about being able to relax. And there’s no single better way to get you in the mood than a good massage.

Make every day an “I appreciate you day”

If your relationship is good outside of the bedroom, there’s every chance this will translate into the bedroom.

I’ve seen sex lives change from stale to great in just two weeks by each partner saying something they appreciate about each other every day.

Showing appreciation regularly like this not only makes you feel better about yourself, it gives a massive romantic boost to your relationship.

It takes you back to the very beginning, when we spent the time appreciating and adoring our partner.

Share the housework

It’s incredible how much power a vacuum cleaner and a duster have over our sex lives. If you’re living together, you’ll know how the housework can be a source of constant niggling arguments.

So divide up the jobs, together working out who does what and when. You can update and change the list when you both agree to.

This cuts out resentment – one of the single biggest reasons women stop wanting sex. Not only this, sharing the workload means you’ll have more time to spend quality time together.

And that includes in the bedroom.

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Have a good argument

It’s easy to think happy couples don’t argue. Quite the opposite is true.

Voicing a disagreement with your other half prevents future resentments from building up.

And that means you stay connected outside of the bedroom, as well as in it.

When you speak about what’s bothering you, bring up the behaviour of what your partner has done rather than personally blaming him (a real no-no!).

Then talk through how you can practically resolve the issue together. Once this is done, move on and keep the past where it should stay -behind you!

Then enjoy making up between the sheets.

Make your bedroom a sanctuary for romance

One issue I hear a lot (especially from women) is not being able to switch off from the ever growing to do list; especially when they’re in the bedroom.

So a tip that does wonders for both libidos is to de-clutter the bedroom. Model the room on the loveliest hotel room you’ve seen.

That means making the bed look inviting with a bedcover and cushions; using special candle lights that won’t burn the bedroom down; having photos of just the two of you (all other photos can be dotted elsewhere in your home).

Also other pictures should be images and colours that encourage romance. What are banned from the bedroom are laptops; a TV; and anything work related for either of you – from paperwork to tomorrow’s washing.

I’ve had more than one client sexually feng sui their bedroom like this and the outcome left both partners – who also slept better – flushed with the happy drug, dopamine after having their best sex.

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Love Your Body

The best sex is when you’re free and let yourself go. An essential part of this is liking and accepting your body -wobbly bits and all.

I’ve heard from plenty of women who won’t get into the missionary position because they were so paranoid that their partners – from their view underneath them – would see their chins sag.

Let me reassure anyone who needs it, your fella isn’t concentrating on whether your chin looks double or not, or if your bum looks big from behind.

He’s got his mind on far more important things. Follow his lead. Love your body and better sex will follow.

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How to have better sex

Go Dancing

You don’t have to even go out of the house. Just turn on some music and dance. Dancing energises both your mind and your body.

A little exercise like this flushes our systems with dopamine. Meaning you feel happier. It brings you face to face with you partner; and keeps you in close eye contact.

Both of which simulate the close connection you had when you first met. Let yourself go, have fun and if you’re kid free and fancy it, tango your way to the bedroom.


Don’t underestimate the power of kissing.

When you kiss your partner, he passes on to you, through his saliva, testosterone. This sex hormone can work wonders to increase your libido.

Not only this, the art of kissing has anti anxiety properties; so kissing is a perfect way to reduce tension. And it will create more intimacy between you as a couple.

So many couples get complacent and kiss their partner without thinking.

So start kissing as passionately as you did at the beginning of your relationship and it will work wonders for your love life.


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