lifestyle

How I Do It: ‘I walked in on my boyfriend of 10 years cheating but we still live together’


How do you get over someone when you still live together? (Picture: Getty/Myles Goode for metro.co.uk)

Welcome to How I Do It, the weekly series giving you a seven-day sneak peek into the love life of a stranger.

This week, we hear from Milly*, a 34-year-old student living in Oregon, US, who split up with her partner of 10 years in November after she walked in on him being unfaithful.

The pair continue to live together as housemates, sleeping in separate rooms as Milly grieves the relationship and does her best to move on.

While navigating the breakup in such close quarters has been awkward and emotional at times, Milly says she’s actually finding it easier to get over him while he’s still around to annoy her but not available to have sex with.

So, what’s it like living with your ex? Here’s how it’s been going for Milly…

Monday

I wake up early for class. I spend the first half of Monday drinking coffee and spending time on animality and anthropology studies.

I am back in university at an age when many of my friends are settled or settling with kids and a steady job, not uni students still trying to balance work that pays them with money while still making time for the work they love.

I feel like I am walking backwards and forwards at the same time. I feel good about the direction I am headed most days, but sometimes it feels hopeless.

I lost my relationship with my partner at the end of 2020. The pandemic pushed the dam that kept us from falling down the river over the edge.

I felt like we each hopped on separate rafts and kept trying to grab at each other to no avail.

We still live together, but we sleep in separate rooms – just roommates.

In December, I just had finals, a cabinet full of beans, rice and ramen, and no job.

At first, depression claimed my sex life. I cannot be turned on unless I feel sexy myself. But this Monday night, while binge-watching Bridgerton in my underwear with Chinese food containers scattered around me, I felt a tingle.

Simon laid Daphne down on the stairs of his manor, and I knocked the cobwebs off.

Tuesday

I wake up early, usually beating even my best friend who tends to howl for food by 9am.

I make breakfast, grab a newspaper and my French press and relax a little.

If I’m lucky, my ‘roommate’ will sleep in a bit and the awkwardness of breakfast for one can be avoided today.

Everything is turning me on, and I am convinced it’s just my hormones. Is it that time of the month?

Either way, I’m motivated to order a vibrator. I need something that doesn’t feel like my own hand to touch me.

Wednesday

The vibrator I ordered should be here by the end of the week. It’s from a local company, it’s called an Octopussy, and it’s adorable. All of their toys are shaped like little creatures, like alien animal bath toys.

I can’t wait to get it.

I have class until 5pm and afterwards I settle for thoughts of a friend I wished I had banged long ago.

I don’t know where they are or who they are doing, but tonight, they are in my bubble bath, at the tip of my fingers, apologising for never telling me how they felt and never talking to me again after that one, drunken and disappointing night, years and years ago.

Thursday

I wake up, covered in sweat. I wish it was from an orgasm, but it’s from a terrible dream.

In it, I was talking to a friend and the front door opened. I felt this clenching in my throat as I started to exit the room and walk away from the door.

I noticed the top of a dark figure, or maybe I didn’t see it, but my mind filled it in for me.

How much of life and love and lust and loss is just our brain connecting the dots and filling parts in?

In the dream, I turned to ask my friend if it was Connor* (my ex/roommate) in the doorway.

Then I realised I must not know the figure opening my doorway and my body froze.

Still frozen, I tried to scream Connor’s name and nothing came out. Then I woke up.

I want to lay next to Connor and hold his hand. I have called to him in dreams, nightmares, orgasms and sleep paralysis. I don’t know how to not.

I hold his sweatshirt tonight and cry until I’m too tired for the dark figure to crawl inside my head again.

Friday

What is about a man in charge that makes me want to wrap my legs around him and ride him until he’s compliant? No sir, you will not control me.

This one in particular is nice, but I feel like there’s something about him. Some stone left unturned. Something he is hiding under his leadership degrees and compassionate voice. Or maybe I just want there to be something?

Maybe he’s asking about my life more than anybody else has in a while, and nothing’s a turn on quite like someone accepting your vulnerability without you asking them too.

He asks the right questions that make you reveal yourself even when you don’t want to.

Connor certainly had something about him yet to be discovered, and was also in a position of authority over me as my boss eons ago.

I can’t say I f***ed his authority out of him either.

I’m tired – it feels like a long week already but my paying work week has just begun.

I masturbate, short and quick and sweet. I imagine a man I would take to the downstairs break room and undress psychologically and physically.

Saturday

My vibrator came in the mail and I was excited to check it out, but, after a long day at work, wasn’t sure I was in the mood even though I’ve been so horny all week.

I took a shower and gave it a try. It had a pulsing feature that made for a great neck massager, and then it hit me – I was using a sex toy to massage my neck.

I couldn’t tell if I was going to cry or laugh.

Have I just completely lost my vibrancy? Is this too sexy for me? In my fantasies I am overwhelmingly passionate, but those are fantasies.

Or maybe I’m just exhausted.

Sunday

It is a weird feeling to have a craving and not be able to satisfy it. Or
perhaps to have unfilled needs but no desire to fill them.

Like a sort of limbido – libido in limbo.

This defines my sex life right now as well as pretty much everything else.

It feels good to force myself to go for a run. I love to be
outside in nature.

I love hiking too, but many days I find it hard to want to do any of it.

Today I felt something I had not in a while. I’d describe it as a live craving, and I can’t ignore it.

A lot of it is my period raising my sensual sensitivity to higher levels. The absence of any sexual activity adds a new tension. Isn’t lust just tension anyway?

A decent kiss could make me cum right now. The barista at
the coffee house where I met my long-time friend this morning was warm
and enticing, with long dark hair and olive skin.

I’m sure he knew how beautiful he was. He made me tingle, and I thought, “oh you can still do that for someone?”

Later on, I went over to another friends house to watch after her cat. She was out of town, and left the key under a flower pot for me.

I walked in and was instantly turned on. She was everywhere and I realised I wanted her.

Was it because she was on the other side of the country? Was it
because she was so warm and inviting? Was it that whole overly-sensitive-because-I’m-on-my period thing? Probably all of it.

We had been friends for a long time and I had never thought of
her sexually. She’s beautiful and brilliant, but she is such a good friend.

Someone I find myself wanting to make her laugh as much as possible and make her whole again when she’s in pieces.

I haven’t thought about making someone else happy in a long time, cooking for them, pleasuring them.

I have never had a desire to go down on a woman before, but her, I want to
devour.

I will probably never act on this, and who knows, this desire could be as fleeting as my hormones – over as quick as my hot flashes. Sweaty, powerful and cause for a long shower.

Good thing I have a date with myself this evening. It’s me and you tonight, Octopussy. Me and you.

It’s hair wash day and my hair looks magnificent. I pat a little lipstick on my lips and cheeks.

I put on a sexy playlist, grabbed a Pilsner, and lit a joint and some candles.

Hello, me.

*Names have been changed



How I Do It

In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.

Fancy taking part yourself? Email aidan.milan@metro.co.uk for more information.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk


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