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The empty nest hit me quite hard, perhaps because Jack was the first to go away. But although that first year was difficult, and I really missed him, the bonus was that I felt free to go off and do my own thing a bit more.
Before that I had been teaching art in after-school clubs for a few years, and had started a printmaking course, just one morning a week. That was my time, and I had to pack everything into those three hours. It opened up some amazing opportunities, including a residency to learn printmaking in Japan. For the first time, I had the space and time to work on something on my own without being interrupted. Jack going to university made that possible.
As soon as I came back from Japan I applied to the Royal College of Art, because being away had made me realise how much more I needed to do. When I was offered a place I was completely elated, but that only lasted about 24 hours. Then reality kicked in: how was I going to afford the £9,500 a year fees? I managed to raise money by writing over 200 letters to charitable funds, but I had to carry on working part time.
I knew the full-time course would be tough, and that I would miss out on the social side because my daughter Celia was doing A-levels. I always made sure we had supper together and talked over the day. It was really nice, that feeling that we were both at school all day.
The intensity of the full-time course suited me, because it kept the pressure up. The MA is not meant to be comfortable; they want you to be challenged. The lectures were particularly daunting. One of the first was on the philosopher Jacques Derrida. I understood about one word in 10, and I remember thinking that I really needed to up my game.
But while the MA was very hard at times, and quite competitive, there were good things as well. What I hadn’t expected was that I would love writing; I’d never felt confident about it before. I had a very good supervisor for my dissertation – strict but encouraging – and I came to recognise that unless you’re challenged and take risks you’re not pushing yourself. Jack and I graduated the same year: 2017.
Carol created a series of “empty nest” prints, one of which featured in last year’s Royal Academy Summer exhibition
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