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WICKET! Root lbw b Adair 2 (England 42-2)
OH MY DAYS! OH MY ABSOLUTE DAYS! IRELAND ARE HAVING A DAY OUT, ENGLAND ARE HAVING AN ENGLAND! There were two noises: the ball hitting the front pad, then the ball hitting the back pad! As the whoops begin from the fielding side, the umpire is ordered to reverse his decision because the ball is cleansing the stumps, and this is astonishing! Ireland have bowled superbly! England still do not know how to bat in Test cricket!
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12th over: England 42-3 (Root 2, Bairstow 0) This looking like a good toss to lose – Ireland were totally tempted to bowl, but I’d be amazed if they weren’t also worried about inserting England only to find the score 270-2 at tea. Adair charges in again and Root does his third man thing to the tune of two; he then crumps the pad and four byes follow, then again! This one is proper straight! But was there a little edge? When the umpire rejects and wild appeal – and what a joy that is – Adair reviews!
11th over: England 36-3 (Root 0, Bairstow 0) Well, at least we can rely on Bairstow to play the situation. Murtagh charges in, Bairstow pulls away, and the stumps go all over.
“I am following your coverage from the hospital library where I am reviewing x-rays,” says Chris Busby. The a/c is just about coping but I am dreading the operating list this afternoon. It’s going to be a sweaty one. I am in standard junior doctor attire: chinos and a blue shirt, no tie.”
I think chinos are on the banned list but worry not – soon we won’t have hospitals and other such fripperies, as we impose our can-do attitude upon the grateful world, dude. Or or Your Dudeness … Duder … or El Duderino, if, you know, you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
WICKET! Burns c Wilson b Murtagh 6 (England 36-3)
HAVE A LOOK! Burns’ shonky technique gets him into all sorts here – his bat waves all over the show and his feet ramble to Camden and back before one gets the wrong side of the other, bat slanting to mid on, and he drives only to edge behind! This is brilliant!
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11th over: England 36-2 (Burns 6, Root 0) These spells must be taking it right out of the bowlers – the weather in this country clearly understands irony, because it’s absolutely glorious.
10th over: England 36-2 (Burns 6, Root 0) Adair forces one past Root’s outside edge as he pretends to play inside the line. This is riveting stuff.
“I like Joe Denly,” says Matthew Potter, “but surely if we’re giving the Roy experience a go, he is better at 3 and Denly could miss out? If I were a selector (there’s an almost infinite list of reasons why not – particularly a burning desire to see James Hildreth get an England cap) I’d have opened with Sibley and Burns, with Roy at 3 and so on… I also think Gregory should have got a game with Woakes being rested, as this Test seems a great opportunity to blood players and he definitely deserves it.”
I’m not sure there’s much difference between opening and batting three, but I do take your point. If I’m honest, I’m yet to see a Test-class batsman in Denly, and I’m afraid i don’t watch enough country cricket to be sure about Sibley. As for Burns, he looks like he’s got the mental gear, but I wonder if he’s got the game to thrive against the best.
WICKET! Denly lbw b Adair 23 (England 36-2)
And doesn’t he deserve that! Adair again brings Denly forward, finds some movement back in, and clatters his man low on the pad! England just cannot find a top three, but hold tight these opening bowlers!
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10th over: England 36-1 (Burns 6, Denly 23) Adair is loving this, and after a wide he brings Denly forward … to inside-edge a drive! No harm done, then two turns semi-uppishly to midwicket, and and and!
9th over: England 33-1 (Burns 6, Denly 21) Murtagh has himself an over against Burns and he takes two to midwicket, then edges! The ball drops short of two, but Mitchell Starc will be watching this and rubbing his hands like Mirka Federer.
“Today,” says John O’Donnell, “as with every other working day, I will mostly be wearing a t-shirt, combat trousers, and steel toe capped boots. It is bloody hot out here.”
My word, what do you wear when it’s cold? Also, are you in All Saints?
8th over: England 31-1 (Burns 4, Denly 21) Nasser shows us the difference between a one-day specialist and an experienced longer-form player. We see Roy going out to the ball, and playing it from well in front, then Denly starting outside the crease but playing late, under his eyes. I’m sure Roy can learn to alter his technique, and the point is made the Pietersen played well out, but also that he batted at four and five. If I was advising Roy, David Warner is the one I’d tell him to look at. Anyway, Adair gets one to swing in late and Denly edges through where fourth slip isn’t; that’s four. Adair, we’re told, is another who makes things happen, whether with bat or ball – like Curran – but his final delivery is into the pads, and Denly guides it down the hill for four. He’ll feel like he’s got a chance to cement his spot here.
7th over: England 23-1 (Burns 4, Denly 13) Another solid over from Murtagh – this is a bit like watching the world cup. Burns takes a single, then Denly does likewise, slips running off the cut strip, and just recovers his ground. Athers sees the funny side.
“At work in Co Mayo,” says Dean Kinsella. “Just switched on for a couple of overs during my break. Have to say seeing Ireland in the whites and Father Time looking down on them brought a little tear to the eye. Flying over for Friday’s play and I just can’t wait! Great start!”
This is what it’s all about. For far too long, cricket has been the preserve of far too few, and the best way of sharing the love is fixtures like this. If New Zealand can be good, Ireland can be good.
6th over: England 21-1 (Burns 3, Denly 12) Adair gives Denly some width and he gets right out to the ball, crunching a drive to the fence … then again next ball! That second shot was a little looser, risking the edge, but Denly will feel that he’s away now, as we learnt that Boyd Rankin is off the pitch for some reason or other.
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5th over: England 13-1 (Burns 3, Denly 4) Murtagh beats Denly outside off – the Nursery End really agrees with him, allowing him to bring batsmen forward and then rinse them down the slope. And he nearly snags Denly, who comes forward, looks to remove the bat, and plays into the turf … close, and they run one. This is an excellent spell.
“If only someone could have possibly foreseen that a batsman who has never opened in red ball cricket in his nine-year career, would then go on to struggle opening the batting in a test match,” emails Chris Parker. “If only.”
I’m not sure about this – I can see why Roy might fail, but I’d not judge him after one innings on a greentop and against an expert like Murtagh.
4th over: England 12-1 (Burns 3, Denly 3) Another mencacing over from Adair, his pace up to 85mph. Burns takes a single to deep square, then Denly runs down three.
“Very excited as an Irishman living in England and with tickets for tomorrow,” emails Karl Gibbons. “Re the sartorial choices, I am in the office today wearing smart pink shorts and a smart white shirt (looking good, even if I do say so myself) and was greeted by my boss thusly:
‘Just so you know, shorts aren’t allowed. I emailed Chris [ who is Our MD and general master of all he surveys] yesterday to ask but he hasn’t got back to me. No one else is wearing them. I don’t mind, but I just don’t want Chris to see you and have words – you know what he is like.’
I then said ‘Do you want me to go home’, and he said ‘No, just maybe pull in if Chris comes over’. We also still ‘punch in’ everyday. My friends have reliably informed me that I need to find a new job….”
Do you want me to go home, you need to do better than that. I once took myself home to watch a Test, but invented an illness first. We have, of course, covered all matters fashion over a number of years, but I am congenitally opposed to anything smart, being more of the effortless shloch school.
3rd over: England 8-1 (Burns 2, Denly 0) Denly survives a scuttler, but Ireland are so into this.
“Even the flies here in rural Northamptonshire are retreating inside to escape the heat,” says Kim Thonger. “I’ve resorted to fly papers in the living room, and I thought you’d be pleased to know they match your bacon and egg tie. The flies are resolutely ignoring them though. What does that say about the MCC?”
I think these are just the wrong sort of flies.
WICKET! Roy c Stirling b Murtgah 5 (England 8-1)
Adair is saved! Murtagh gets a little extra bounce and as it dives down the slope it magnetically takes Roy’s bat with it, and he guides an edge that lodges between Stirling’s wrists at one! That’s brilliant bowling, for both ends!
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2nd over: England 7-0 (Burns 1, Roy 5) Adair tanks in and first delivery jags back and and hammers his fellow debutant on the pad. There’s a strangled appeal but the ball was going well down, and Roy absolutely hammers his next effort … straight to the man at point. It’s so there for him here – his mind and technique may never be in such perfect sync … ahahahahahaha! He goes to play at one, withdraws the bat but not enough, and nearly play on! Instead they run two, then Adair catches him on the back pad with a nip-backer, absolutely brown bread! That is smashing middle, but it’s a no ball! Even Roy’s luck is in form! Excellent over from Adair, as we see that he missed his mark by about an inch. That is mortifying, horrific, hilarious … everything we want cricket to be.
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1st over: England 4-0 (Burns 1, Roy 3) It’s Burns facing as Murtagh hustles in and he’s on the money right away. Burns shoves his fourth ball to cover to get on his bike, bringing Roy onto strike; his first Test ball is middled to the man at mid on and his second is driven through cover for three. He looks in some nick!
“And here is the over-squeezing-in calculation from the BBC,” offers Alastair Ferguson. “Each session will be two hours 15 minutes:
Morning session: 11:00 -13:15
Afternoon Session: 13.55 – 16:10
Evening session: 16:30 – 18.30”
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“After all the excitement of the previous couple of months,” emails George Browne, “is there a more timeless sound of summer than the TMS team passing comments on each other’s sartorial choices? We learn that Sir Alastair Cook is in shorts, Vic Marks of this parish is stoically be-jacketed, and that Aggers is in salmon – wonderful stuff. In the light of this, and your comments on Gower’s tifter, can we enquire how you have decided to combat the heat?”
Why, I thought you’d never ask! I am in Air Jordan shorts and bare feet. I shall shortly fasten my bacon and eggs around my neck nevertheless, a kind of cricketing Chippendale.
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“Any word on how they’re going to squeeze 98 overs in per day,” asks Rob Turpin, “given we currently struggle with 90? Hours of play the same?”
I was just looking for the answer to that. It seems to be a secret.
Teams…
England: Roy, Burns, Denly, Root, Bairstow, Ali, Woakes, Curran, Leach, Broad, Stone.
Ireland Porterfield, Stirling, Balbirnie, McCollum, O’Brien, Wilson, Adair, McBrine, Thompson, Rankin, Murtagh.
Sanga tells us that Roy needs to get used to not being so involved in the play. In limited overs it’s his job to force the issue, but in Tests, he might spend a few overs at the non-striker’s and needs to keep the focus. Obviously there’s also the issue of the ball doing more, but on the other hand, if he’s seeing it and there’s a Test field, good luck covering the gaps down the ground.
Roy says that the reason he’s done so well lately is that his defence is better. He’s picking length much better he says – KP once told me that this, along with head movement, is the key to batting – and his performance against Mitch Starc in the World Cup semi encapsulated that, showing a brilliant bowler that his best ball would just be blocked back.
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I’m watching tape of Ian Ward interviewing Jason Roy. He says he’s not sure about how to move on after the World Cup, we see the final delivery of the final, I’m gone again, in absolute bits, and Roy tells us that he saw the ball coming in slow motion, the seam spinning, he couldn’t hear anything, he knew he’d fumbled two balls previously, somehow got it there, and my eyeballs are sweating.
Kumar Sangakkara, wearing some terrifyingly pale chinos – he’ll have to go extremely carefully – tells us that Rory Burns has what it takes to play Tests. He says that he’s always telling his former Surrey team-mate that he has the ugliest style he’s ever seen, which tells me he doesn’t remember John Carr.
William Porterfield might’ve bowled – he doesn’t quite say, but thinks it’ll do something early on. He’s got the experience of Tim Murtagh to help him know what’s what at Lord’s, but will know that if his team don’t make early inroads they’re in a world of trouble.
England win the toss and bat!
Joe Root says it looks dry underneath, the pitch has deteriorated early lately, and England have two spinners.
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“In a nice tribute to the visitors,” tweets Gary Naylor, “the Lord’s groundstaff have prepared a pitch that might be described as an emerald isle so green is its appearance. Still, it often looks like that at and plays well, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see 75-5 at lunch.”
I find Lord’s one of the hardest pitches to read, from my lounge. I’d bat, and I’d be surprised if whoever wins the toss doesn’t do likewise because getting it wrong, ouch.
David Gower is wearing the largest panama I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure what to say about that.
Email! “Could the Spin perhaps address the latest developments in wicketkeeping, please?” asks John Starbuck. “In particular, why doesn’t Sarah Taylor wear pads any more? Or perhaps she does, but only the smaller pads of a short leg, SMO etc.? You can see she would be free to move with more agility, and maybe the pace of the bowlers isn’t fast enough to warrant protection, but it does look odd.”
I think she binned them a fair while ago, to improve her mobility without really sacrificing her safety. She uses hockey ones I think.
Sky have just done a piece on Sam Curran, and it’s weird to think he’s unlikely to start the Ashes given how pivotal he was last summer. Like some of the very best cricketers, he has the gift of timing, the ability to impose his personality on a match. But if we assume that James Anderson is fit and Ben Stokes is a certainty, then England have to perm two from Curran, Stuart Broad, Chris Woakes and Jofra Archer – before Mark Wood comes back. I can’t see them dropping Broad at this point, and given the location of the first two Tests, the selectors will be extremely tempted by Woakes. I imagine they’ll get Archer in because they have to – if the aim is not just to win the Ashes but to be the best side in the world, they don’t have a choice – which means that Curran needs to establish himself as a batsman whenever the opportunity presents itself.
I’ll level with you: I’m not really into four-day Tests. I’m into most things that protect our game, so I’d not bin them on principle, and I understand the desire to fit a match in over a weekend, and to have it finish in front of a full house. However matches that finish early do so partly because there’s the possibility of them extending into a fifth day, and though the majority batsmen are not currently building long innings, that will change. But it won’t if we don’t allow it to.
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Preamble
Morning everyone, and welcome to a Test match brought to you by sport’s amazing ability to renew itselfTM.
Just 10 days ago, it was hard to see how we could ever feel anything again, or at least stop feeling what we were feeling – but now we have everything to look forward to. First and foremost, this is Ireland’s first Test against England and England’s first Test against Ireland; it is also only four days long, with 98 overs scheduled for each day; during Jason Roy will make his long-awaited, long-overdue Test debut; so too will Olly Stone; England have picked two spinners; and then next week, we have ourselves some Ashes!
Which is to say that stuff that we’ve never seen before, that we’re going to be talking about for the rest of our lives, which will remind us of ourselves for evermore, is right in our faces, and literally all we have to do is wade right in. Oooh yeah!
Play: 11am BST
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