I don’t know if you can help me with this, but here goes. I split up with my long-term partner six months ago. It was really acrimonious. She didn’t want us to break up but, the truth is, she was unbearable to be around towards the end and we just didn’t want the same things.
I wanted to have a family and get married, but she was entirely focused on her career and social life.
I realised we had different values and different ideas on life.
Since then, she’s been on a mission to make me out to be the bad guy, saying stuff that makes me look like a callous idiot – and it’s not the case.
What’s worse is that we both have jobs in the same industry and news travels fast.
I’m getting increasingly frustrated with the way she’s behaving, as well as constantly having to justify myself to friends and colleagues.
It’s really bringing me down and I don’t understand why she can’t accept that it wasn’t meant to be and just move on with her life, which is what I’m trying to do.
I wasn’t cruel at the end of our relationship, but I was honest about why I didn’t want to be with her any more. Any ideas on how I can deal with this and stop feeling so miserable?
I don’t think you have to explain yourself to anyone. And if someone tells you what your ex has been saying, just reply, “I know. It’s because I ended the relationship and she’s not over it”.
That’s all you have to say. And anyone who actually means something to you will know the truth.
I think if you react to how she’s behaving in any significant way, she’ll keep on going because she knows it’s getting to you.
I wouldn’t follow her on any form of social media – that’s where most people vent and you don’t need to see it and be wound up by it.
And I wouldn’t speak to her unless she gets in touch or you bump into each other. If you’re the one to get in touch, she knows she’s got your attention. It’s a bit like a naughty child – as soon as you stop paying attention to them, they stop having the tantrum.
But, as annoying as the situation is, try to have some empathy with her and think about why she’s reacted like this. She’s hurt, and her pride and ego have taken a big knock, too.
It’s hard not to retaliate, but try to resist the temptation yourself to go around badmouthing her and I’m sure things will go quiet.