A reader tells agony aunt Coleen Nolan that her passion for the father of her children reignited when he moved on and got a girlfriend – but is there too much water under the bridge?
Dear Coleen, I split up with my husband three and a half years ago. There was no infidelity, we’d just been arguing a lot and neither of us had much enthusiasm for each other, possibly because we had two very young children.
We went our separate ways and things have been very amicable between us – he sees the kids all the time and, when I collect them from his house, I often stay and have dinner with him.
A couple of years ago, he started seeing someone else and I found myself feeling really jealous. In the time we’ve been apart I’ve grown to like him more and we get on better than we ever have.
What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section
It’s obviously made me wonder about getting back together with him.
Fast forward to now and he’s recently split up with his girlfriend, and all I can think of is engineering a way to be with him again. Every time I see him, I make sure I’m looking as sexy as possible and he’s definitely noticed, as he keeps asking if I’m “going out later”.
Am I being unrealistic? Could it ever work between us, or is there too much water under the bridge?
You know what, I think it could work if you both want it to. Sometimes it’s only when you lose something that you realise how much it means to you. And I’ve heard of couples who’ve split up and got back together years down the line.
Sometimes it’s about timing.
But I think it would be important to acknowledge where the marriage went wrong – was it because you were struggling with two little kids and forgot about each other?
Get all the latest news straight to your inbox. Sign up to one of the Mirror’s newsletters
You have enough history to be able to sit down and talk about it without holding back.
But, a word of caution – it can also be just a romantic notion and a reconciliation might not be on his radar at all.
I’m very good friends with my ex hubby Ray and, when he comes over to see our daughter Ciara, we get on so well.
However, it’s made me realise the opposite – we should have been great friends because we didn’t make a very good romantic pairing.
So, perhaps the reason you’re getting on so well is because the pressure of the relationship side of things isn’t there.
But, if you are on the same page, then do things very slowly – don’t go straight back into living together and try to pick up where you left off.