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Before your child starts university, it’s helpful to think about challenges they have already faced, and talk with them about how they might handle these at university. Although it’s a new start, problems don’t just go away – university life is, and should be, challenging. So help your children develop practical skills (cooking, shopping, budgeting) but, equally importantly, let them lead on making decisions for themselves and managing the consequences of those decisions.
It’s much better for them to be prepared for what they may encounter at university rather than struggling because the demands on them come as a surprise. At Reading, for example, we run workshops called Life Tools, which help equip students with strategies for managing academic pressure, using critical feedback constructively and building confidence.
A uni’s website should give you an idea of the support available. We have a student welfare team, a student financial support team and our own counselling service. Although we aim to get information to students before they know they need it, there is so much support available that they don’t always remember. It’s helpful if parents can reinforce that message, so they know they can turn, for example, to their academic tutor if they’re having a problem with their course.
Students generally arrive at university with the adage that university will be the best time of their lives ringing in their ears, and those who have had problems before may think things will be different just because they are in a new place with new people – so if a challenge does arise they may not know where to turn for help. Many universities, including Reading, have buddying schemes that pair experienced students with new students, to help them settle in and to direct them to any support they need.
Almost all new students worry that they won’t make friends. That’s what freshers’ week is all about. As well as attending student union-run activities involving nightclubs or parties, it’s important for students to go to events organised by their department – at Reading, for example, every department organises events that encourage students to work together in teams on something relating to their subject, so they get to know each other quickly and easily.
Having fun is not all about alcohol. These days, universities and students’ unions run lots of events that don’t involve drinking, and there are hundreds of clubs and societies, so there are activities to suit everyone, and lots of opportunities to make friends.
Finally, it’s important for both students and parents to have realistic expectations. Universities aren’t boarding schools – they don’t have responsibility for every aspect of students’ lives. That’s important, because a big part of going to university is growing up and learning to be independent. Your child needs to be ready for this, and you need to be ready to give them space to shape themselves into the adults they want to be – while still holding the safety net of parental support. If you think your child is likely to struggle with their mental health, it is important to recognise this and seek early advice from mental health professionals.
Dr Paddy Woodman is director of student services at the University of Reading. As told to Kim Thomas
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