lifestyle

10 warning signs that someone only wants to be with you for cuffing season


Are you going to get dumped the moment spring arrives? (Picture: Getty)

It’s officially cuffing season – a magical time when the drop in temperatures and coupley Christmas events (we’re looking at you, Winter Wonderland) makes people want to get into relationships, sharpish.

The mad dash to not be single for the colder months can make dating a bit of a minefield.

Some people will, genuinely, only want to be with you until spring arrives, while others will settle for people entirely wrong for them due to cuffing-goggles.

It’s key to be on the lookout for these cuffing-induced couplings, so you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into.

But how can you spot when someone only wants you for the sake of cuffing season, and will likely crush your heart as things start to heat up again?

Relationships expert Neil Wilkie breaks down 10 warning signs…

You never talk about the future

Living in the moment is a wonderful thing, but if you want something long-term, a partner’s reluctance to talk about anything months’ away will start to grate.

‘There will come a time when hedonism will fade and reality will intrude,’ Neil tells Metro.co.uk. ‘You will want to know about the future and have some plans.

‘Be clear about the future that you want and discuss with your partner what they want. If they don’t want to talk about it or just say I don’t know, that is a clear sign that they’re there for the short term and not aligned with you.’

Communication never really gets deep

‘The sex may be good but in a relationship it’s important we have something else to talk about,’ says Neil. ‘If all you talk about is “stuff” rather than feelings that is a clear sign that they are just a winter visitor en route to the sun.

‘Talk about your feelings and see if they engage. See if you feel listened to and important.’

You don’t actually know much about them

Take a moment to think about how well you actually know this person. Do you know their hopes and dreams? Their parents’ names? Whether they prefer cats over dogs?

Someone who isn’t really committed won’t bother to tell you much about themselves, their pasts, or their future.

Neil recommends: ‘Ask questions to try to find more about them. If all you get is evasion or an unwillingness to answer, then maybe they just want to be a two-dimensional visitor to your life.’

It’s time to go deeper (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

You don’t meet their family or friends

Wait, are they stashing you?

Neil says that a big warning sign is when ‘the two of you are snuggled up in your warm nest and they don’t want you to meet important people in their life’.

He adds: ‘This may tell you that they are embarrassed and do not want to explain to their family or friends that it is just a passing fling.’

Ouch.

There is a lack of real connection

‘Maybe it just feels rather transient and that you are two people living in parallel in one place,’ says Neil.

‘They are making a little effort to connect with you, and you are feeling taken advantage of.

‘Try and connect physically with long hugs, emotionally with laughter and tears and psychologically with deep conversations. If this fails, then be ready to wave them off.’

There’s no real commitment

Are you just ‘seeing each other’, with no sign of a chat about going exclusive or – whisper it – getting into an actual relationship?

That’s a sign this might just be a cuffing season fling.

It’s fun, but feels a bit empty

Neil asks: ‘Does it feel like a Chinese takeaway? As soon as you finish eating you feel hungry again.

‘You may laugh and have fun but that passes quickly, there is no depth to it.

‘Fun is hugely important to a relationship, but it needs to be in the context of all the other elements being right.

‘Enjoy it while you can knowing that it all may end before you want it to.’

There’s no growth

‘Every day may feel like Groundhog Day,’ explains Neil. ‘You are stuck, they are stuck, and the relationship is not growing.

‘You need to have a plan for what you want in the future and how the relationship will grow.

‘If they don’t want to engage with this, that gives you a very clear message that it has to end.’

There’s no trust

Trust is a pretty important thing in a relationship, so if it’s not there, alarm bells should be ringing.

‘You don’t know where they are what they’re doing or who they’re communicating with,’ Neil says. ‘You cannot predict how they will respond. You do not feel that they have your back.

‘This may be okay for one night stand, but can you sustain it for several months?’

Love doesn’t seem to be on the horizon

‘Love is not mentioned, or if it is there is no depth or authenticity to it,’ says Neil.

‘If you love them tell them and see how they respond. If they change the subject or mutter platitudes, that is a clear sign they’re only involved for cuffing season.’

The key for dealing with these concerns is clear communication.

‘Talk to your partner and see if this helps give you clarity,’ suggests Neil. ‘If not, ask them straight whether they just want to be free to go when the spring comes.

‘These answers will help you decide whether to say goodbye or stay in the nest together.

‘Stay warm, value yourself and find the person you want and deserve.’

Neil Wilkie is a relationship expert, psychotherapist, author of the Relationship Paradigm Series of Books and creator of online couples therapy programme, The Relationship Paradigm.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.


MORE : Getting mixed signals from your date? Here’s how to decode how they really feel


MORE : Hesidating and the other dating trends to look out for in 2022


MORE : Signs of self-sabotage in your relationship and how to fix the pattern



Rush Hour Crush – love (well, lust) is all around us

Visit Metro’s Rush Hour Crush online every weekday at 4:30pm.

Tell us about your Rush Hour Crush by submitting them here, and you could see your message published on the site.





READ SOURCE

Leave a Reply

This website uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you accept our use of cookies.  Learn more